First, however, I had to allow Him to pick up the pieces of a shattered sense of self, and reconstruct my concept of what I have to contribute to the world around me. So many of us are so focused on getting our stories out there that we forget that becoming known has consequences. Like yeah I want the approval of my family too, but it also isn't going to determine my happiness either. Eventually, I became one of those things weighing him down and needed to be more aware of it (according to his friend Kimmy Jane Powers). Update. And if you're hearing Sara's story for the first time, wellyou're in for a wild ride! And then support her when she needs to get away for this nutball. It reminds me an awful lot of rubbing a dogs nose in his own urine when he goes in the house. The busyness is all valid things like 3 jobs, a consistent fitness routine, family relationships, etc but before I know it, 3 weeks have gone by and the person that blessed me with these jobs and incredible community (literally everything I was just asking Him for) hasnt heard from me and thats all He wants. There is no physical standard for beauty outlined by God. He is extremely active on social media, especially Twitter, and he would fly into picking fights and arguments that he would gleefully show me, especially around Christian topics. Then it uses those keys to wreak havoc where trust was carefully built. While I see major positioning and personal growth happening, and how God rescued me from an incredibly dangerous situation, Ive felt forced to wait, having lost a life I loved through no fault of my own. I was told once by someone who was praying for me that she saw me living behind a fence. Surely if hed written those letters he wouldnt be sloppy enough to leave it open on a laptop hed be letting me use? Women are excellent at busying themselves going about duties and often sacrificing those little girl dreams in the process. (Genesis 1:31, paraphrased.) God didnt design humans, then sit back and say We done good because before Him stood a gaggle of filthy wretches. For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resourcesSources:https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violencehttps://www.nsvrc.org/statisticshttps://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/fastfact.htmlTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrongS15 Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkaySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Thank goodness, because without their constructive input, I never would have taken a good hard look at things and asked myself what I could have done differently! Follow Sara Lewis on Instagram@SpaceandPurposeCheck out Saras Blogspaceandpurpose.comSomething Was Wrong Podcast, featuring Saras story. My ex could quote Scripture backward and forward, hold theological discussions with church leadership, and was quick to deconstruct the flaws in any given churchs infrastructure. Psalm 37 has been brought to my attention more than once its not a gentle read. It was just a misunderstanding! Here are some notes I took and their associated memories: This is all a spectrum of a disorder. If it was my sister, I'd have probably created a true crime story for all you to listen to. My mom still references the night she and my dad told us they were giving us money for the wedding. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. Now I have on record that as he calmly gazed into my eyes and held my hand across the candlelit table, resolving to love me well while navigating these learning opportunities for me, my churning stomach and racing heart were right. In public, he was extremely high-energy and intense. It was healing, though, to go back to the beginning and understand how I could have fallen for such an insidious trap. Add a hefty sprinkle of guilt for feeling that way, since Im fully aware of my safety and blessings in the moment, and you have the tension of right now. He would flip things quickly on anyone who dared question him. The story is told on a podcast called Something Was Wrong. Weddings ARE expensive, after all. He claimed he could say things like that because he used to be fat too. Humans are hardwired to need a vision, a hope of something more, something bigger than ourselves to invest in and be part of. Lots of good ones but this is the best! Quite a few people Ive spoken to say that they feel stuck for the sake of their children, or because the signs of abuse arent publicly visible. ), and have loved it . Recommended by us. Anyone who has tried it knows it teaches him to cower and hide the next time he messes up and this defined my idea of how God saw me for far too long. I was watching Richard Grannons youtube video on Covert Narcissists and found it to be one of the most well-rounded explanations Ive seen. This is why isolation vs. community involvement is a big factor here. Welcome to a spiritual war. We were something to behold. Happy to be an "enmeshed parent." Claim This Podcast Do you host or manage this podcast? Just recently I remembered his family asking me about my medical career while having dinner in Colorado. I have a feeling she's had to be the family empath, which made it a natural role with the narcissist fiance. S1 E2: It Was Weird. Sociopathic and Psychopathic tendencies start with Antisocial Personality Disorder. He was extremely generous with his resources and compliments. You have all these moving parts literally every digit is moving but dont ever allow fingers 2 and 5 to physically lift from the keys while playing because those notes are tied. (You will get caught.) Tap it differently and it will sound better. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. Omg how did you find that?!?! When Sara got engaged she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. This scenario doubles as an example of gaslighting: He was folding clothes by my bed one evening and said, Well Id never share a secret with you. I paused what I was doing and looked up, surprised, wondering where he was going with this. Yikes. He was so soft. If we dont feel capable, there is Grace and we can ask for help! I remember finally mastering it. Its a lighthearted nightmare in here, weirdos! Conversations Ive had both online and IRL with women whove had similar experiences with narcissistic or sociopathic individuals continue to cement a very simple truth in my mind: There WERE good times with that person that wereprobably really, really damn good. Sayings like move along grandma youll be dead soon anyway were common. This is not a place to promote your podcast. Thats how Ive felt about writing again. Welcome to a spiritual war. Learn more about your ad choices. I dont believe things have gotten the worst they will get because I dont think the church is quite desperate enough. A cornered narcissist will spin you up in so many words that youll forget the origin of the conversation, forget your own point, and somehow end up at fault for something you still dont understand. They looked too harsh. I would also have to memorize the entire piece well enough to not freeze and draw a blank in front of crowds. YOU matter. With a list of reasons why he shouldnt pick them up, or boldly jumping into his arms with excitement? He responds. What a messy time to be alive.). Hot Podcasts. The first season deals with a young woman named Sara who was in engaged to a man who she later found out was not who he claimed to be. You [everyone] in the beginning.. Sara and Tiffany answer listener questions and reflect back on the season thus far. Press J to jump to the feed. Air is huge. 6h. He is light in the darkness. I grabbed the bags from the car, crossed the parking lot to greet him while my roommate continued on into the house, and when I saw his posture I paused. If you can never get enough true crime Congratulations, youve found your people. Something felt different. Our hearts. The blood Jesus shedcovers our sin andHe no longer sees it. It sounds like they have scrutinized every relationship she has ever had before this. Since I was still healing and my sense of self-worth was mid-restoration, I couldnt feel a proper anger over what someone had done or tried to do to me. Our spirits are what reflect Him. He had an uncanny ability to read my thoughts and discern my feelings. In your creativity, couldnt you have put togetheranything else rather than humans who would constantly fail you and be unable to manage anything well on their own? Its fine! Play Everything looked guaranteed until they went a different direction. This is not your story, you do not get to have . His driving was aggressive, earning him multiple tickets. I asked myself, what must I be doing wrong if my own fiance doesnt trust me with his secrets? I was mortified over the tears that forced their way down my face all over again, and now the shame and embarrassment made me feel like a little kid. Recommended by media. Youre easier to read than you think. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. We were at Blue Bottle in Oakland when he called someone fat out loud well within earshot of that person, and I began scanning the doors for my exit strategy. It seeks out keys to their carefully guarded hearts, then handles them with great care until theyre granted full access. Why? r/podcasts: a subreddit to discover, discuss, and review podcasts with other podcast enthusiasts. Youre loose-lipped! as if it was obvious and went about his business. He very frequently mentioned his brothers position of church eldership. When you decide to publish (or share your story in any public way), what was once personal and private becomes open for discussion. Best Podcasts. The survivor stories are brave and valuable, but the hosts commentary at the top of episodes is downright irresponsible. As the numbness wears off and Im pulling old files to compile my story, I read texts with clear eyes. (I dont know if Im ready to post my thoughts on church leadership that encourages anyone to remain in an abusive marriage. What then proceeded from his mouth is apparently something called Word Salad. Our creative and faceted personalities. This is not a place to promote your podcast. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. In my case, since Im obviously the main character here, Im in the checkout line at the grocery store and the cashier definitely says, Nice day to start a blog!, Cashier: I said nice day for a jog! Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) joins us on SWE for a long chat about a past relationship that took a crazy turn. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something w Listen Later. Seriously, DONT. Until youve been gaslit, its extremely hard to understand. like seriously awful. Many times Id come home to $300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge. In addition to believing lies about myself, I believe my fear of failure was rooted in pride. Something was Wrong 516 subscribers When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. I didn't wait until everything was perfect to go live, and since then I've thrown my hands up and let it roll. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. And having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God -Rom 6:22. Ok thats wild fast! It completely deflated our evening and had me walking on eggshells all night. I think they sort of gave up policing people. A listener makes a discovery that leads Sara to final answers in her quest for the truth. Sara discusses the discovery of Dick's ex girlfriends and how answers help the healing process. My sin was very subtly (but constantly) pointed out as time went on not to keep me at the feet of Jesus, but to keep me confused and feeling small compared to the kind person calling it out. (What would I have ever done without their helpful insight into my weaknesses?) I was constantly confused by inconsistency. A docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. Hear from survivors who have never before agreed to share their story publicly in this heartbreaking and harrowing season. When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. It was take me back to the beginning. I wasnt sure why. (I thank God for my lil bubble community all the time, by the way.). As believers, we have the power of Christ within us and when we are rooted, standing firm in our identity, it is a force that can withstand anything. Also Listen On More Options Social Media Pages Share This Show Latest Episodes [Diana] The Devil in Disguise New Episodes First E S15 E5 Feb 23, 2023 1 hr 9 min Play with Wondery+ Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.. Well, apparently he could hear me (oops) and he asked who I was talking to in the bathroom. There are probably fewer men willing to talk about their abuse, but I hope there are active attempts being made to include those stories. Hed lied to his family about my job, inflating my position and giving me a title Ive never had. Or experiencing fulfillment. Found her IG. He looked at me for a moment, then a soft expression came over his face as he said, Me too.. It was the most confusing night of my life, but I felt a strange peace and clearly heard in my heart Sunday will be pivotal. I was so emotionally invested in moving forward that I assumed that meant everyone would understand and all would be well. 37.2k Followers, 1,197 Following, 18 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Something Was Wrong Podcast (@somethingwaswrongpodcast) In past blog sites I wrote about random f Jesus did all this so we could be restored to our Father. But she is, self admittedly, in a bubble when it comes to her upbringing and her family. For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resourcesS15 Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokayTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrongSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Its a new effort to come to the Lord and let Him be something new to me: the place I bring my injustices and frustration. Somehow hed known this comment would get under my skin. (Anyone else get phrases or words rather than songs stuck in their heads?) Time slowed down as I heard yelling and watched what felt like a movie scene. (Sometimes a ray of light just looks like a good lunch.). Hours later when Id suggest we cook at home to save money, he would insist we eat dinner at the most expensive sushi restaurant in Sacramento. All excuses, brain-washing, and influences melted away. We belong to Him. I'm sure this was a neon sign for my abuser. (Sorry to barge onto ur Twitter but just searched "something was wrong podcast" & saw ur tweet) Something Was Wrong A weekly True Crime, Society and Culture podcast featuring Tiffany Reese 38 people rated this podcast About Insights Pro 180 25 1 17 RATING all john.krotzer May 15th, 2022 3 Soundslikemog May 8th, 2021 3 wastefreesteffi Apr 9th, 2021 1 Load More. Id feel uncomfortable with the insults hed quickly throw at people crossing him, and embarrassed at the lack of Christlike character it showed. Clarity kept me focused and I knew what hed said. He pulled me out of the trap to begin with; He will restore everything. but decided on a whim to got back to season one and listen to Sara's whole story. Just forcing myself to share the good, badand ugly because it does coexist, but all bad, ugly things make Gods goodness shine brighter in contrast. Is that person you met online really telling the truth? Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. Im sorry, podcast listeners: It was in that same Blue Bottle on a Thursday afternoon that I saw one of the letters Bryan and Kimmy sent me on his laptop screen. Both hands have independent melodies that you must differentiate between, so listeners can hear each one sing. (I remember that word so well.) Join us for a heavy dose of research with a dash of comedy thrown in for flavor. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. 10 no. I know where my heart was. Its still happening. Please God, if you have any mercy dont let her catch the pianissimo she overlooked. It preys on their loves, their treasured secrets, by celebrating them. No Victim Shaming or Victim Blaming. When I saw Something Was Wrong in Apple's "Purple Podcast App" (as Lindsey Chrisley always refers to it on Coffee Convos), I thought I'd listen to one episode just to see what it was about.It was previously an Audiochuck production, but is now part of Wondery / Amazon Music.. 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